These last couple of weeks have knocked me on my arse! I've been firing on all cylinders and just recently crashed. The kids and I spent a wonderful weekend in North Carolina with family celebrating my grandmothers 90th birthday, only to have to speed home Sunday morning to meet my husband and help entertain his best friend's daughter and aunt. Why? Well because said friend was dying and baby girl needed a distraction while mom took care of business. The next day the husband and I helped prep their house and get a room ready for hospice care. Wednesday morning I attended the funeral of another friend's mother who passed away just 5 days shy of her 100th birthday. That evening my husbands bestie lost his battle but was surrounded by love and light at his home on the water. The week ended with my finding out, after 3 weeks of waiting, that while I was 1 of 2 final candidates I did not get the job I had been hoping to land. Sadly that trivial moment, in the grand scheme of all that had been going on, was the back breaking straw. I was done. I supported my husband through the funeral and then curled up in a ball and let all of the energy drain out of me. I was mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted. I felt awful because I had not lost a mother nor a spouse and yet I was spent. I felt selfish and conflicted and could not understand why I had petered out. I found myself thinking about what I would do if it were my mother or husband. How my loved ones would deal if I were the one who passed. I had to accept the reality that I'm still in the pool of the unemployed and the search continues. It was a lot hitting me all at once and I allowed myself to sit with it for a few days. Then I took a deep breath and dove back in because life keeps going.